Bullying, Rudeness, And Blaming The Victims

There is a free newspaper that I read. In this newspaper, as in most newspapers, there is a section where people can write in and offer their opinions. These letters are mainly on a few themes- how fat people are bad and should pay for two seats on trains, how all teenagers are the scum of the earth, how people shouldn't be allowed to use mobile phones or iPods on public transport, the inadequacies of the public transport system, and the fact that people complain too much.

Recently, there was a letter from a young man complaining about people being rude to fast food workers. I can't remember his exact words, but it brought tears to my eyes to read about how he died inside a little more each time someone treated him as though he were somehow beneath them.

I had expected to see letters the next day supporting him and condemning rudeness. However, once again I had overestimated my fellow humans. One letter pointed out that "people are rude and irrational" and said that he should just grow a thicker skin. One told him to get a better job if he couldn't "take it". One even went so far as to say that he "must be emo" (an insult thrown around by 12-year-olds and people who don't want to admit that they've behaved like arseholes). Only one letter spoke out in support of him.

If people are rude, if they treat someone like dirt and the person is upset about it, who is at fault? The person who is upset? The person who is obviously just too thin-skinned and probably needs a dose of the real world, or something? People are rude and irrational, you know. And because they are, that justifies being rude.

If people go around stabbing people, and the person who is bleeding all over the place complains, whose fault is it? People should just learn to have stronger skin and better healing capabilities. People are violent, you know. If you can't hack it, you are just a pathetic whining little emo who can't take life.

The above 2 paragraphs are both ridiculous. Most people would easily recognise that the latter of the two is obviously not serious. I'd like to hope that most people realise that the former is also sarcastic in tone. However, judging by what I've been reading, many people would agree with it.

If someone stabs someone, they are the one at fault. If someone is rude to someone, if someone chooses to treat someone else like dirt on the bottom of their shoes, they are the one at fault. They are the who that should change. Becoming upset is a normal reaction to being treated as less than human. To be blamed for your reaction and told that it's you, not the person who is actually at fault who needs to change...
I don't understand how anyone could take that attitude.

Being a member of an autism forum, I read stories about bullying that people face at school and in the workplace. All too often, I also read that along with the bullying comes the attitude that it is the person being bullied that needs to change, not the bullies.

Why do they need to change? What could a child have done to deserve bullying?
So they flap their hands and make other strange movements. Big deal. If things like that bother you to the extent that you have to try and make another person's life a living hell, you've got problems.
So sometimes they might get overloaded or frustrated and have a meltdown. That's still no excuse.
So they don't quite know how to fit in with other people, so they pace around the edges of the playground, so their approach to making friends involves delivering monologues on their special interests, so they are off in their own little world, so they are just such STRANGE KIDS.
Big deal! They are people, and they deserve to be treated as such.

When people are rude, when people are bullies, their targets will become upset. This doesn't mean that the targets need to "grow a thicker skin" or "get a dose of reality", it means that the rude, bullying people need to learn to act like decent human beings. It's as simple as that.